Lost and Found

I have spent A LOT of time and energy trying to look like the good Christian mom and the good Christian wife. I have read and tried to discern scripture. I made an effort to get the good Christian lesson out of it. I have committed much scripture to memory. I have made a lot of effort to figure out what God might be showing me in what I read. I have tried very hard to see His answers to my prayers. I would pray about things and then try to figure out what God would want Me to Do. All along I was missing the point. I was like the pharisees!

You see, I thought I had been saved as a young girl. I have prayed and claimed my whole life that I was a child of God. Having said that, I also wondered "what if I wasn't" a lot over the years. I always chocked this up to the need to do something God was guiding me to do. It was! I missed the point again and again.

Until, finally on Sunday July 11, 2010, I listened to the whole sermon, I stood up to sing the invitational hymn and as we began to sing, I thought to myself, "I don't think I am saved" "I will talk to Chris about this on the way home" then I thought " what if we don't make it home" I knew then that I could not wait another moment. I was so heavy in my heart, I could do nothing but respond. I knew then that I could not wait another moment. I pushed Chris out into the isle and told him to come down to the altar with me. I knelt down and told him " babe, I don't think I am saved" I had never said that out loud before. He began to pray and I began to cry. I prayed for God to forgive me and I accepted Christ as my Lord and Saviour.

I spent a long time thinking, ' I got saved when I was little, the details are little fuzzy, but I did it" I have been pricked in my heart repeatedly.... I have thought with ever sermon about those who come to Jesus and he says "I know you not"; what if he says that to me:( And still I never would admit that I might be lost. I mean I had always claimed to be saved.

Well, I am now and I must say, what a relief it is not to need to try to look like a child of God. I feel no pressure to show everyone what a good Christian mom, wife, homemake, etc... that I am. I never realized that all that effort I was putting into it all, was me trying to be godly without GOD! I know it now and I praise the LORD for His great gift! and this peace!

Now that I really do belong to HIM, no doubts now, I look forward to serving HIM!